???

Okay. I need to get in shape. I just carted out 10 long-boxes full of comics, went through each of them, and put them away. What caused such unbridled stupidity, you ask? Well, I blame unbridled stupidity.

A long time ago, in an apartment far, far away...I was going through my comics to get together some reading material, and didn't have even half of them alphabetized or anything. So, as I am trying to FINALLY organize certain segments of my collection, I had to go through the mess to make sure I had everything I need. Now I am tired, kinda sweaty, and in need of some pudding. Chocolate.

Dumpster Diving: Spawn vs. WildC.A.T.S.

This came out in 1996?? Apparently, so. I must be that behind in some of my reading. Yeesh.

Spawn vs. WildC.A.T.S. comes to us from Alan Moore (the guy who wrote Watchmen) and Scott Clark, who is a pretty good artist!

Remember when Spawn came out? It sold like 600 billion copies because everyone and their mother was into the whole "speculator craze"? I remember it well. I call it the death of all that is good in this world. Okay, that is a huge exaggeration, but I wish that whole 90's fad never happened.

Back to Spawn. I don't know exactly why I stopped reading Spawn, I read and enjoyed probably the first 60 or 70 issues. WildC.A.T.S. was also "okay". I thought the characters were cool with lots of potential, and I just like Jim Lee. Some of the early WildC.A.T.S. stuff is a little convoluted, but Grifter is the man...a very cool character, indeed. So when this 4-issue series came out with Alan Moore at the helm, what could go wrong?

Art-wise, the book is great. I am not sure what Clark is doing these days, but I hope he is still drawing comics, as the art was great. The book is on old school paper, too. It's all gloss nowadays. I was excited to finally sit down to this!!

In regards to the story, Alan Moore, who brilliantly penned Watchmen, had to have submitted this for no other reason but to eradicate human beings from the face of the earth. The plan had to be that there will be very, very few people on this planet strong enough to survive reading this story, and with them out of the way, Moore will be able to take over the world. I mean, what have we, as a race, done to offend Moore in this manner? Not since the bubonic plague ravaged Europe has man seen such a sickness. Is this what rape feels like? I am not making light of rape, mind you, but I am trying to imagine the worst things possible, and coming to the realization that this story is worse than that.

I couldn't even make it past the first issue. This has torn a hole in my soul, and I am unsure as to what could repair it. If you have read this, hug your loved ones just a little tighter, and know that it only gets better.

0 out of 5 stars.

Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?

Neil Gaiman. THAT Neil Gaiman. Sandman. Superb novelist: American Gods, Anansi Boys, Neverwhere...you get the idea. I fanboy'd out quite a bit when I heard he was doing this 2-issue story.

The title comes in homage to the Superman story "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow" written a very long-ass time ago. That was an excellent story that, in many ways, paved the way for the "modern" Superman.

Is that the intent for Batman with this story? I don't know, really. Flipping through the first issue (with the exception of the last couple pages), all I could think was "what the hell? Did Gaiman finally run out of ideas?" As I browsed, I thought it looked hokey, like watching B.J. and the Bear as an adult.

After I got the second issue, I flipped through it again, thinking that Neil was on crack, and I would have to burn my copies of Good Omens, Sandman, Neverwhere, American Gods, Anansi Boys, Death: the High Cost of Living, and Smoke and Mirrors. See, I am a big Neil Gaiman fan, because what he writes is different, it's funny, sad, happy, and miserable all at the same time. Smoke and Mirrors contains some of the most brilliant short stories I've ever read.

Back to what I am babbling about...after flipping through the second issue, I let them just sit for a couple weeks, thinking I will read them when I am at a peak of boredom. The kind of boredom that sets in and makes you want to take your own life. I wasn't that bored tonight and figured I'd just get it over with.

Holy shit. That sums it up, for me. In this story, we see many versions of Batman, many versions of his "death", and get to hear how he died at a funeral that contains such luminaries like the Joker, Robin, Penguin, Two-Face, Catwoman, Alfred, Superman...you name it.

I read this story, remembering Batman stories from the Golden Age all the way to current. As with anything I read by Gaiman, I am never sure what I am getting into for the first few pages, and then he hooks you. I was engrossed, and after the amount of crappy batman stories being chucked out lately, this was amazing.

Grant Morrison, please take note.

873 out of 5 stars.

Today's Loot!

Vigilante #6

Doctor Who

Captain America #50

Brave and the Bold #23

Battle for the Cowl #3

More Blackest Night Stuff...

Below are some covers to some Blackest Night stories later this summer. Click here for the scoop!!!

Power Girl #1

Boobs.

Power Girl is one of DC Comics' superhero "hotties", and while being Superman's cousin, she also sports DC's largest knockers.

This first issue in a new ongoing series is brought to us by the writing team of Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti. She is drawn by Amanda Conner. I am not familiar with Conner's work at all, but she does draw Power Girl's cannons with some gi-normous pencil.

In this issue, we get a brief origin re-cap, a robot attack, and Karen Starr (her alter-ego) setting up her new "...progressive technology company looking for innovative twenty-first century solutions to the planet's growing ecological and environmental problems." I am not sure what the hell she is doing, personally.

The characters introduced here are fairly amusing/interesting, and I will definitely pick up the next issue. It was a fun read, and, with the exception of the aforementioned description of her company, did not take itself too seriously.

One thing I wonder about is the whole secret identity thing. All she does is put her hair up. That's it? Really? I mean, even Clark Kent wears glasses. This is, however, comic books, and I need to lighten up.

If this book gets canceled, Conner could draw an excellent Betty from Archie comics, as Power Girl looks exactly like her in her civilian attire.

I give this issue 3 out of 5 boobs. Stars. 3 out of 5 stars.

Dumpster Diving: Green Lantern #87 (Dec. 1971 - Jan 1972)

This is some fun dumpster diving. I was 2 and a half years old when this came out. I was getting the chicks even back then, I'll tell you. No one...filled out his diaper...like me. Put your house on it.

So what the hell are we even talking about here? Oh yeah! GL #87. The first appearance of John Stewart. I dug this out the other day to give me an excuse to blog.

This comes to us directly from the legends: Denny O'Neil pens the story, and Neal Adams and Dick Giordano give us the art. Neal Adams...this guy will go down as one of the all-time greats, bar none. I have some original Mike Grell artwork, and he is very Adams-like in his greatness.

So we open up to a great splash page of Hal Jordan charging his ring, right as an earthquake hits. Hal goes out to lend a hand, and runs into Guy Gardner (after a bus runs into Guy). During this time in DC continuity, Guy was the alternate choice to be GL...I dunno, if Hal was at a dentist appointment or something.

Because of Guy's accident during the quake, he is bed-ridden for at least 6 months. Hal is disappointed, as he was hoping for Guy to relieve him while got his personal life together. Hard segue to the Guardians interrupting Hal worried about his successor to tell Hal that they've...oh yeah, found a new successor. Convenience for $1,000, Alex! The comic actually reads "Who indeed have the Guardians chosen? To find the answer, come with us to a certain urban ghetto..."

Now, keep in mind that GL was all about social relevance in this time period. We meet John Stewart sticking up for some dudes playing dominoes, giving a cop some grief...all witnessed by Hal and a guardian. Hal thinks the decision is a mistake, not because Stewart is black, but because he has a chip on his shoulder. We then see Hal trying to convince John to be his replacement/backup....IN A CANDY STORE. John even says "Only from now on, maybe you better call me...BLACK LANTERN!" John must be a pre-cog, and knows of the Black Lanterns set to plague the DC Universe this summer.

Anyway...some brief training/highjinx/after-school-special-on-racism ensues, and John Stewart is a Green Lantern.

No mention of his military past, as that is a little newer in the ol' continuity, but, considering its time, a fun story. Awesome Green Arrow backstory, coupled with a GL classic from the late 50's/early 60's.

Not taking the fact that this story is pretty dated, I will give it a 4 out of 5 star rating. If it was released today, there'd be a lot of confusion, and it would probably be on CNN.

Taste the Rainbow!

Here they all are...

Captain America

I sporadically read Captain America over the last 10 years or so, as he was one of my faves as a kid. Steve Rogers was much like Clark Kent, in that he was the quintessential good-guy. He was the kind of hero where, if you didn't like him, you had a reason to be guilty.

Well, Steve Rogers is dead. Cap is now his former sidekick, Bucky Barnes. Barnes was the Winter Soldier recently, a brainwashed assassin of sorts. So he has a truckload of baggage picking up the shield.

I am so incredibly surprised in this title. It's got action, romance, drama. Not much for comedy, but it's a very, very well-written book.

If you are looking for an excellent read, great art, and a story that features more than just a Cap knock-off, you have to get this. This is right behind Green Lantern for me in quality. In fact, and I never thought I'd say it, but I hope Steve Rogers stays gone for awhile, as this book is completely riveting. Like Salma Hayek in a string bikini.

Blackest Night #0

After lots of hype, free comic day has come and gone, and I am reaping all the benefits!! MUAHAHAH!!! I WILL RULE THE...oh. Sorry, I forgot you were still here.

For the 1.5 people that might stumble across this "blog", here is a in-depth review of Blackest Night #0. Did I mention it was free? It was. Free.

No money.

Once I get back on track, there will be nothing but spoilers here. So if you have not read Blackest Night, and do not want to be spoiled, then please click here. Otherwise, let's get on with it.

Great cover of Hal Jordan. Behind him are scenes from the color spectrum.

We open with Hal at the grave of Bruce Wayne. Yes, THAT Bruce Wayne. The grave is unmarked, but rests next to Thomas and Martha Wayne. The Flash (Barry Allen), appears on page 4 in an excellent piece of artwork.

Hal and Barry discuss Batman's death. Hal mentions that Robin still thinks Bruce is alive. Barry still thinks of Dick as Robin, which shows you how long he has been gone. Hal corrects him, and informs him Tim Drake is Robin.

Hal then describes the service Barry had after he died compared to his. Barry died a hero, and Hal was, well, infected by Parallax. As Hal says, "My tombstone was desecrated. Not by my enemies. By old allies. I died a sinner. You died a saint." Interesting scene.

Hal further discusses how the world got more dangerous since Barry died. Aquaman died, J'onn J'onzz, and Bruce. Hal and Barry keep going down memory lane, and end up parting company, with a shadowy figure in the background. We see Bruce's grave being dug up by this person, while the Black Lantern oath is printed. We also see the grave of Ralph Dibny (Elongated Man), we see a panel of Hawkman and the Atom, the grave of Ronnie Raymond (Firestorm), and on the last page is Black Hand holding the skull of Bruce Wayne. The last panel shows Scar, the rogue Guardian of the Universe smiling.

The rest of the issue contains a note from writer Geoff Johns, as well as pages describing each lantern group representing the color spectrum. Posted in a prior blog are the Green Lanterns, Sinestro Corps, Red Lanterns, and Agent Orange. This book also contains the Blue Lantern Corps, the Indigo tribe (I know nothing about these dudes yet), the Star Sapphires, and the Black Lantern Corps.

5 out of 5 stars.

That said, it reminds me of all the death that the characters go through. Superman, Aquaman, Green Arrow, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan), Batman, Flash (Barry Allen). The list goes on and on and on. Everyone is back, or will be coming back. It is difficult for me to appreciate a character coming back from the dead if the story is a hunk of crap. In this case, Geoff Johns sold me on Hal coming back, and hopefully Batman. Batman's death was beyond stupid, so hopefully the return can make things right. That said, get Grant Morrison away from comics altogether so he can quit f'ing things up.

Other free comics I picked up...

Free Comic Day!

In an hour I will be heading to the store to pick up Blackest Night #0. Very excited.

While we are at it, here are some other awesome pictures...

Charlie Brown

If you ever read and appreciated Peanuts as a kid, you need to check this out.

Dang you to heck, Lantern!

Green Lantern really ticks me off. Why, you ask? But Steve, aren't you a huge GL freak?

Sure, I am, but please keep out of my affairs.

It ticks me off because I can't get enough of it. Unbelievably great storytelling in these books. Today's picture is a splash page from the most recent issue. Hal Jordan is stuck with a blue ring along with his regular green one. Pretty cool picture (courtesy GL message board).